Posted in Personal development

My biggest failure -30 Day Challenge – about me. 

What is your biggest failure. 

Well at least that isn’t a confronting question we wouldn’t want that. 

I want to make it clear I don’t intend this to sound like I believe my son to be a failure, I believe him to be strong, Independant, caring, big hearted and absolutely I am super proud of him.  But I do believe I let him down and I have made it hard for him to be who he has become by not being strong myself.. 

My biggest failure was as a parent to my son when he was growing up,  I thought I was doing the right things and making unselfish decisions.  I wanted so bad for him to live with us and be with us but I was overwhelmingly told that was selfish and I should let him be with his dad,  but actually I was blind and stupid and only saw how his father hurt me, I never saw what he was doing to my son.  I thought they were good together, either because I was too scared to see the truth or to self absorbed?  I don’t know but I didn’t see it and that is my biggest failure, as a mum I should have seen that my little boy needed more from me, we gave him fun and memories and love but he needed to be taken care of.  

Now he and I have a pretty good relationship but I do feel like I owe him another chance at childhood and the support that should have come with it.  Now whenever he has any struggles I feel like that is me, if I got it right he would be cruising through teenage/adulthood like he deserves too. 

We have talked about the past and He doesn’t hold me accountable and he doesn’t feel that he is hard done by but now I know the truth of all those years,  I wish I could make it all better, I wish I had seen what I should have seen.  I wish I’d been the mum my little boy needed, so now I just try to be the mum he needs now and be there for him to talk to when he needs me and guide him through his journey. 

I hear a lot that kids are more resilient than we think but I don’t believe that,  I believe they protect us, they are smarter and understand more than we think and they protect us from their pains. 

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