What do I do to show myself Self Care and love? ❤️
I’m going to go with diet and exercise. I made myself a promise a few years ago and though I may have a few too many cheat days, when I look back 4-5 years ago and compare the way I eat today, my cheat days now are probably in line with what was considered healthy days in my world then.
Spaghetti squash chicken lasagne boats
I work out consistently enough that I miss it terribly when I don’t do it, that to me is a sign of good commitment and routine and I love my workout space it’s my happy place.
I have girlfriends who I chat to daily and we encourage each other and lift each up it really is a good space to be in.
I am proud of my diet and exercise progress, I definitely have opportunity but when I need to make sure I take care of me that’s the space I turn too because that’s me looking after myself. When I binge on junk and lay around on the couch all day being lazy I feel awful about myself. Eating well, meal prepping and exercise makes me feel good about me, about my strength and commitment to better myself.
And of course where would my self care routine be without my favourite time of the week..
lavender bath with candle and muscat ❤️
There is that constant inner monologue of self-criticism that just keeps the brain ticking along isn’t there.
Yesterday for example I was harassing myself on the way to work about the decisions I have made over the last 12months and where they have led me, much as I am angry at my old boss, the real person I blame for all of it is me. I know I should have handled the whole thing better right from the start. So here I am getting all testy with me and then I get to work and loads aren’t done and people have just bailed out on their roster and my mind goes to ‘well if you were a good leader they wouldn’t be pulling stunts like this’, obviously they have let you down because you have let them down. Nothing quite like self criticism.
Never mind my recent recognition from my team for how much I have supported them all since getting there. The brain doesn’t use that logic when it isn’t appropriate for the situation.
Then we go into training for a new rostering system and negativity oozes from the pores of the leadership team, now I am not the leader I am the right hand but this is obviously my fault for. It fully engaging them all including our line manager and having them all really behind this new system. I sit there watching them and my mind is trying to work through what I could have done better, how can I bring them on the journey, why didn’t I see this coming and do something about it. I’ve failed them and our business by having a team that has responded so poorly.
Let’s not talk about all the tasks I’m still not doing that I should be my brain registers quite a few times a day just how poor I am at my actual job but no one else, not even the team leader has noticed, because I am so busy helping them with theirs, but I know it. I know I’m letting them down everyday, that I haven’t learnt half of the things I need to do and I’m not doing the other half. My mind doesn’t miss an opportunity to let me know how poor that effort is.
And that’s just one day 😊
This could break records for the longest post in history if I really got started.. I will try to keep it current reduce the intensity a little..
I love my current role because it is giving me the opportunity to work with people on their personal and professional development. I love seeing people become what they aspire to be and this role is giving me real potential to support,coach and develop some of the team, which is so motivating and I absolutely love doing that.
I enjoy making changes and improvements in daily processes and activities and I enjoy having a team to work closely with that I see each day so we can gather momentum and a sense of achievement.
My motto don’t just survive Thrive.
What I hate about my job, our teams & stores have a survive mentality, just make it through the day with as few mistakes and issues as possible and then go home sleep and try to survive tomorrow. No strategy no planning, no goals to achieve just survive I HATE that with a passion..
I use to love ❤️ ❤️❤️my job, loved going to work on a Monday, I was literally beside myself with a sense of purpose and achievement even the bad days were good days with new challenges to overcome.
Then a boss issue happened, used, manipulated, bullied, harassed and unappreciated, I chose to run from the issue and take on my current position. ☹️
I’m mentally and emotionally more stable but so unhappy in my current job. I don’t see it as a career so much as a punishment and though there are things and people I love about it, it isn’t me, it isn’t where I want to be and I don’t love ❤️ my job. So I am actively looking for a new one, a career role that will inspire and motivate me and in the meantime whilst I search for my bliss, I make an effort to help others find the drive to achieve theirs and that makes me happy.
I can barely keep my eyes open after 8:30 and when my girlfriends plan girls night out I am the first to bail because 1 am just seems like such an insane time to see before you sleep, I’d much rather be waking up at that time than just hitting the pillow.
I wake at 4am most days, usually, I will lay in bed and wait for my cup of green tea to come to me, then out of bed by 4:30 either exercise or if it’s a big work day (too many of them lately) I’ll get ready and head off to work. I use to be a bakery manager so early is in my blood. Plus I’m old (41) so staying up late is out of the question now. I struggle after 9pm and sook if it’s after 10. 😊 sad but true!
If clubs were open during the day I’d be a huge party Fien but this PM stuff burns me out.
I am more productive in thought, exercise and study in the early hours then I ever am after 3pm. After that my thoughts are of dinner, wine, maybe a bath and how I can fit in some hubby time before I get to go to sleep.
What is your biggest failure.
Well at least that isn’t a confronting question we wouldn’t want that.
I want to make it clear I don’t intend this to sound like I believe my son to be a failure, I believe him to be strong, Independant, caring, big hearted and absolutely I am super proud of him. But I do believe I let him down and I have made it hard for him to be who he has become by not being strong myself..
My biggest failure was as a parent to my son when he was growing up, I thought I was doing the right things and making unselfish decisions. I wanted so bad for him to live with us and be with us but I was overwhelmingly told that was selfish and I should let him be with his dad, but actually I was blind and stupid and only saw how his father hurt me, I never saw what he was doing to my son. I thought they were good together, either because I was too scared to see the truth or to self absorbed? I don’t know but I didn’t see it and that is my biggest failure, as a mum I should have seen that my little boy needed more from me, we gave him fun and memories and love but he needed to be taken care of.
Now he and I have a pretty good relationship but I do feel like I owe him another chance at childhood and the support that should have come with it. Now whenever he has any struggles I feel like that is me, if I got it right he would be cruising through teenage/adulthood like he deserves too.
We have talked about the past and He doesn’t hold me accountable and he doesn’t feel that he is hard done by but now I know the truth of all those years, I wish I could make it all better, I wish I had seen what I should have seen. I wish I’d been the mum my little boy needed, so now I just try to be the mum he needs now and be there for him to talk to when he needs me and guide him through his journey.
I hear a lot that kids are more resilient than we think but I don’t believe that, I believe they protect us, they are smarter and understand more than we think and they protect us from their pains.
I would have to say my commitment to my study because I could have given up so many times over the years but I just kept at it, some days I hated it and some days I loved it but I made a commitment to complete my degree and I have stuck with that. I am pretty proud of that.
So far my Nachelor in business (Marketing,PR or Events) has taken me about 5 years, 2 subjects at a time, every weekend and day off in the uni season. I am just about to start my next classes this week, I’m doing Business analysis 2 and Rick and Crisis management.
I’m in level 3 subjects now and I noticed how very much harder they are, it’s like going from year 10 to 12 overnight it kind of hurts, the change in expectations. I have study buddies now which is so good because for years I was so isolated and sometimes so confused.
I have come a long way, I have learnt a lot about me, about others and about leadership I am so pleased I have dedicated my time and energy to my degree and so proud of how far I have come. Only 6 subjects to go until it is fully completed.
In a separate note it is Drink Wine Day! Celebrate in style people.
I sure am 😊
I am afraid but I’m still going to chase my goal..
I am afraid I’ll fail, I’m afraid I might leap beyond the ledge, I’m afraid I will let someone down, I’m afraid of being overwhelmed and out of my comfort zone, I’m scared to uproot my life for something I believe I want but have never really fully tried.
I am excited by the challenge of doing something I really want to do, excited that it will be absolutely perfect and challenging and awesome, I’m excited to take a risk and move my life for the opportunity to reach my goals.
Some days I think no, stop back out, don’t keep trying you could fail and not get what you want which would be devastating OR you could succeed get the career you want so bad and be awful at it, OR you could get the career you always wanted and live it.. so so much to be afraid of I have a bad habit of running from what scares me. Taking the comfort space and watching my goals go by bye..
But this time I’m going to keep trying I’m going to take the risk and I am going to give it my all to reach my goals.